Something's gone, you withdraw and I'm not strong like before I was

I woke up this morning feeling strange. as if there was a heavy weight upon me..It's strange that when you think the feeling is gone or when you think you're finally over something, you wake up the next morning feeling worse than ever. i wont pretend it doesn't hurt. i won't pretend i'm completely over it. i think deep inside there will always be a place for it. the memories, the hurt, the regret, the disappointment, the emotions. yes, i am beginning to move on. But it's hard to let go of something you felt so much about. And you just cant help but feel strange when u think back on all the memories, and realise that that person is no longer with you. i admit that it hurts.

i always thought i can do things on my own. i always thought that i didn't need anyone. I still have my family and my friends who have always been there no matter what. And i am grateful for that. But still, for some reason, i feel alone. i feel more alone than i have ever felt. It reminds me of that song by Third Eye Blind that says the line "i never felt alone til i met you, i'm alright on my own and then i met you". I guess i never gave that line a second thought until now. and it's ironic that it had to be that particular song. It's ridiculous i know, to keep dwelling on this. To keep wondering and thinking about it. I shouldnt be thinking about it cos i know he's not. It just baffles me how a person can change so rapidly in just a matter of days. How you can just cut someone out of your life just like that.

It's hard to forget something you felt so much about. It's hard to force yourself to forget something. It's hard to move on when something just fell apart in a flash. It's hard to erase the memories which are so treasured. it's hard to accept that the person in those memories arent there anymore. It's hard to see that person around and not have any communication or signs of recognition anymore. It's hard to believe that you don't know a person as much as you thought you did. and it's hard to ever trust or love somebody again.

*you complained before that i never showed any emotion, that i was emotional-less. yet when i finally did, you didnt want to deal with it.*